My Book Smells of Popcorn

I wasn't at my best today.
No reason, some days just happen that way.
I felt sad because some people I love are struggling.
But they are brave - braver than me.

There were moments when I was high,
Bouncing around, talking fast.
This happens quite a bit-
I turn into a puppy, needing attention and knocking things over.

But then it hits me.
I'm a joke, people don't take me seriously because they have no cause to.
Damn them! They are wrong. I have things to say.
Important things.

Maybe they don't see me as a joke - maybe I see me as a joke.

My book smells of popcorn.
I wonder why that is?
Some people always smell nice
- that's nice.

For a moment I thought about when we were young and my aftershave bottle spilled onto Becky's pillow.
She said she didn't mind because the smell made her think of me.
I like that memory.

Some people are very consistent. I appreciate that.
My head swirls with good and bad, faster and faster.

I think my integrity is important to me, but I'm worried that it's breakable.
I hope I don't disappoint Becky.

One time I wrote a poem and she named an entire business after it. Ha.
She makes me laugh.

I just noticed a canal I didn't know was there. It's still.
I want to throw a big rock in.

Someone is being loud on the train.
They are shouting at a person who is sick because they are drunk. I think they are homeless.
I want to say something.
I'm going to say something.
Dammit, I'm a coward!

This is my stop.